Recordings
by Becca the fiend
Summary: Kuroh is pretty sure that particular phrase has never come out of Ichigen-sama's mouth, and he certainly never recorded it. But he's not dreaming, so he has no other choice but to just go with the flow. Crack. Oneshot. Implied KurohShiro.


AN: For the ever-lovely Uakari, who is my idol and an all-around fantastic human being. Also because I really wanted someone to tell Kuroh to "Tap that ass" in reference to Shiro. Sorry not sorry.

* * *

In times of turmoil, Kuroh had always trusted the words of his late master Ichigen. So, of course, as soon as it occurred to him that he might not actually be able to kill Shiro if he turned out to be evil, he needed to consult Ichigen in the best way he could – his trusty recorder. At the earliest convenience, he'd nestled himself in a secluded room, away from a certain white-haired King, and pulled out the recorder.

"Ichigen-sama. I don't know if I can do as you asked. I don't think I can kill him if he turns out to be evil. What should I do?" Kuroh asked the recorder in a low voice.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it probably didn't do a damn thing to change what the answer would be. Ichigen-sama had a way of knowing the answer to questions he never voiced. But, much like when a young child consults a Magic 8 ball, it felt much more personal to ask the question out loud, like a charm. One was more likely to get the answer one desired when one was clear about the question.

Kuroh pressed the button, and…

"Clearly, the answer to your problem is that you need to tap that ass."

Kuroh blinked once, and then blinked again. His mouth had fallen open at some point, and he stared at the device. He was pretty sure he had never heard that phrase come out of his master's mouth, much less recorded it.

Even if his master had made a… _suggestion_ of that sort, he never would have phrased it so vulgarly, of that Kuroh was absolutely certain. However, a quick (and painful) slap to his own face quickly proved this was not a dream. He addressed the recorder again, finger poised over the button.

"Ichigen-sama. I don't understand."

He pushed the button, and held his breath.

"What I mean is, you both clearly want a piece of that ass, Kuroh. At least Shiro wants some of yours."

Kuroh was once again shocked into a near faint. But a small part of him couldn't help but seriously consider his master's unorthodox words. Could there be some merit of truth to these outlandish statements? After all, this was definitely his recorder of Ichigen-sama's words, and it _was_ Ichigen-sama's voice.

Could the source of his problems be a developing attraction to Shiro? And some of his… assets? He couldn't quite deny that he was finding himself attracted to the white-haired teen, despite his better judgment. And Shiro wasn't exactly ugly (his rear wasn't something Kuroh made a habit of looking at, but he was certain it was not horrendous in any way. It would be very illogical if that were the case.)

No, Kuroh could not entirely deny Ichigen-sama's claims about his _attraction_ to Shiro. But what about Shiro's attraction to him? How could Ichigen-sama know about Shiro, whom he'd never met? Whom he'd asked Kuroh to assess for himself? There was only one way to find out.

"Ichigen-sama, how can you be sure of his feelings?"

"Have you _seen_ the way he blushes around you? If that doesn't scream "I want you up my ass until I can't walk anymore" than I don't know what does."

Kuroh was more alarmed by the implication behind the response than the crassness of the response itself. Which was alarming in and of itself, but he was becoming used to it, and he had other things to think about. Such as: the revelation that Shiro may or may not have been attracted to him (at least physically) from the very beginning.

He thought back to all the time they'd spent together – how much of that time Shiro had spent blushing and not quite being able to meet his eye. The way he'd light up when Kuroh would do anything other than threaten to kill him.

Kuroh buried his face in his hands, coming to terms with the fact that he had been the idiot all along. He couldn't dwell on this too long, however. There was the new problem of how to deal with this newfound mutual attraction between the two of them.

Kuroh was a gentleman, like Ichigen-sama had raised him. Despite Ichigen-sama's bold and vulgar way of putting it, he wasn't about to go about doing it that way. Not only was that not the kind of person he was, he was pretty sure it would make Shiro rather uncomfortable, too. Shiro was irresponsible and a bit of an idiot, but he did have very strong morals, and he was still as disturbed by Neko's nakedness as Kuroh was. Certainly too bold a move would make him uncomfortable, even if Kuroh would be able to pull it off.

Lost in his thoughts, Kuroh failed to notice the soft tinkling of a bell nearby, as a small, pink cat peered at him from around the corner.

"Neko is super helpful!"


End file.
